I had a call with a mother last week, who was desperate for advice because she and her partner were struggling to work from home while caring for their 18-month old son. Here are a few ideas we spoke about:

Routines
Young children thrive on predictability and routine, both of which help them to feel safe and secure. With everybody together at home 24/7, it can be easy to let routines slide. This is understandable. But sticking to familiar routines will give your toddler something reliable to hold onto, when other aspects of life may be feeling strange and unfamiliar. Following your usual meal, bath and bedtime schedules will be helpful too, for your child and for you.

Connect During Caregiving
Bathing, diapering, dressing and mealtime are all opportunities for you to connect with your toddler and to refill his emotional fuel tank. Connect through touch, eye contact, a gentle, reassuring voice and warm cuddle. This can go a long way toward easing any emotional discomfort your child may be feeling and can help to reduce your stress level, too. Do your best to commit to giving full, 100% attention to your child during caregiving activities. Clear your calendar, close your laptop and turn off your cell phone so that you can be fully present.

Independent Play
When your toddler receives your full, nurturing attention during the caregiving activities, his emotional fuel tank is refilled, increasing the possibility that he’ll be able to spend some time playing independently.

With you and your partner working from home, there will be times when your partner is working in another room and you can’t wait until nap time to get some of your own work done. You need to read a report or write an email while your child plays nearby. Expect to be interrupted from time to time, when your toddler needs to reconnect with you. If he calls out or approaches you, a brief acknowledgement may be sufficient, i.e., “Wow! You stacked those cups together.”  If your child is having difficulty playing on his own, it may be helpful for you to get down on the floor with him for a few minutes. Pick up a car and push it on the floor or dump a few links from one container to another, in a low-key way. Don’t take over the play or show or suggest to your toddler what to do. The point is to see if by coming close and playing nearby, you can help him to re-engage in his own independent play. Coming together briefly and then going back to your own independent activity can help your toddler learn to play for longer and longer periods on his own.

Transitions
One of the developmental tasks of the first five years is to learn to transition from one activity to another with ease. A toddler is still in the learning phase and very much a novice at transitions. That’s why it will be helpful for you to make a plan with your partner to determine which of you will care for your child throughout the day, while the other is working in solitude in another room. When you can each take responsibility for at least 90 minutes at a time, it will make it easier for your child than if you’re constantly switching off. In that case, your toddler will have to frequently transition and say goodbye to one or the other of you, again.

If you’ve been caring for your child all morning and your partner is assuming caregiving duties at noon so that you can join a meeting, remember that this is a transition for your toddler. To help things go more smoothly, give yourself time so that you can take it slowly, tell your child what’s about to happen, give him a few moments to process what you’ve said and slowly leave the room. All this will help to ease the transition and avoid unnecessary upset that can be caused by hurrying.

Wishing you well,

Deborah