A mother of two young children wrote to ask me for some ideas to help her through these challenging times. Here are a few thoughts I shared:

Taking care of your own needs is a smart strategic parenting move because when you put everyone else’s needs before your own, at some point, you’re likely to become resentful or angry. But when you get into the habit of taking time for you each day, it will boost your physical and emotional reserves, increasing the likelihood that you can be more patient and available to your children. Taking care of your own needs is not just good for you; it’s good for the whole family.  

Solitude. Now that we’re home-bound, finding solitude is challenging, and needed now more than ever. Consider how and where you can find some alone time each day. Make a plan with your partner for each of you to have alone time while the other cares for your children. This is YOU time, to do whatever you choose to help you decompress and to restore yourself. You may want to meditate, exercise, take a nap, have a bath, read a book, or Face Time with a friend. Your children can benefit from alone time too. If you have a 100% safe space for play, you can trust that they’ll be safe there while you take some time for yourself. Toddlers and older children may enjoy a special cozy fort made with sheets, blankets and pillows. Having a quiet space for solitary retreat is important for everyone in the family.

Control. When so much is out of your control right now, it can be helpful to take control of something. Plan this week’s meals, organize a closet, go through that stack of paper on your desk – but only if you feel like it. Now’s not the time to add things to your “to do” list beyond what is essential or what you want to do. Try not to control your children, however. When one of them is challenging, do your best to respond with a light touch and a forgiving heart. Nobody is at their best right now.

Let go of ideals and high standards. If you feel like zapping frozen food for the umpteenth night in a row, do it. Don’t have the energy to throw in a load of wash? That’s okay. Something that might have been simple to accomplish a month ago may feel like a Herculean task right now. Be kind to yourself.

Ditch self-improvement goals. We’ve all been inundated with wonderful and generous offers of free online yoga classes, concerts, and tours through world-famous museums. If you want to participate, great. If not, then don’t, without guilt.

Acknowledge what you accomplished today. You got out of bed. You got dressed. You provided food to your children. You might also have worked, participated in an online meeting, or sent a few emails. Accomplishing anything, no matter how small, is significant.

Love and accept yourself. You’re doing your best in an extraordinarily difficult, without precedent, situation. In some moments you’ll do well and in others, you won’t. How could it be otherwise? Just as you love your children unconditionally, love yourself unconditionally too.

While these are uncertain and difficult times, they won’t go on forever. They will pass. Take it one moment, one breath at a time. Wishing you and your family well.