About Deborah Carlisle Solomon

Deborah Carlisle Solomon is a child development specialist, expert in the development and care of infants and toddlers, and author of the book "Baby Knows Best: Raising a Confident and Resourceful Child the RIE® Way." Deborah served as Executive Director of Resources for Infant Educarers® (RIE®) for eight years. She now has an international private practice teaching and consulting with parents and professional child care providers; and speaking at national and international infancy and early childhood conferences and workshops. Deborah resides in Los Angeles with her family.
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Love and attention and cell phones

I'll never forget sitting at Fairway Cafe in New York early one Saturday morning. As I waited for my breakfast to arrive, I watched a sad scene play out at a table nearby. A Dad sat across from his about one-year-old son, cell phone in hand, intently focused on whatever compelling story or email or video he’d found there. I observed the boy look up at his Dad expectantly and each time he saw Dad still entranced by his device, the child put his head down. When their breakfast arrived, I was hopeful Dad would put down his phone, so he could connect with his son. Sadly, that didn't happen. Once he'd completed the task of setting out a placemat and carefully moving the dishes about so his son could feed himself, Dad dove back into his phone, only looking up to gather another forkful of food for himself. When Mom arrived and took a seat next to the child, ever-the-optimist, my hope was renewed. She greeted her son warmly and had a quick word with her partner, as the boy gazed up at her adoringly. I thought, "Finally, he'll get some attention." But, no. Mom picked up her phone [...]

2021-06-17T12:16:29-07:00By |
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Teach Children How to Say, “No!” Before Puberty

It’s essential that children learn and trust they have absolute agency over their bodies – no matter who is seeking their affection.  Adults sometimes see one toddler hugging another and think, “Oh, isn’t that sweet!” but not all hugs are wanted, and no child should have to acquiesce to a hug, a kiss or a tickle they don’t want. We can’t expect an excited toddler to slow down long enough to observe that his friend doesn’t want a hug and we can’t expect his friend, who is just learning language, to be able to summon up, “No!” as they’re being exuberantly squeezed. There’s a tendency to diminish these kinds of experiences between young children to, “He’s just being cute” or “That’s how toddlers behave.” But when we don’t support the uncomfortable child in these situations, the unspoken message is, “Don’t make a big deal of it.” Adults rarely hesitate to set boundaries when a toddler hits or pushes, but boundaries around unwanted physical contact – touching, hugging or kissing – should be just as clearly and firmly set. While the hugger may mean no harm, the other child’s discomfort needs to be addressed.  Just as with any sort of conflict, narrating helps both [...]

2020-12-23T13:01:36-08:00By |
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Are you expecting too much of your toddler?

A parent recently asked me, ”How do I know if I’m expecting too much of my toddler?” My answer was, “If your toddler consistently fails to meet your expectations, she’s demonstrating that she’s not developmentally ready to meet them. In other words, you’re expecting too much. So, instead of expecting her to do what she can’t do – and feeling frustrated or angry with her, adjust your expectations and celebrate what she can do.”  The same question kept reappearing, disguised in a variety of ways, as the mother asked: “But shouldn’t she be able to…” and “Why won’t she…?” I answered, “Because she can’t… yet.” We can’t expect a baby to sit up or stand before they’re developmentally ready and we can’t expect a toddler to be able to resist climbing when they have an impulse to climb or resist touching an object that's tempting but off-limits. No matter how much a parent may want their toddler to eat without wiggling in their chair or politely ask for a drink of water instead of demanding it like a tyrant, children can’t behave in “socially acceptable” ways until they’re developmentally ready, until they’ve had a lot of patient guidance from their parent [...]

2020-12-19T11:14:17-08:00By |
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Children can learn to go to sleep independently

Q: My two-year-old wants me to sit in his room until he falls asleep, before his nap and at nighttime. What can I do to change this habit? A: When you’re feeling emotionally ready to endure the inevitable upset that happens when children practice new sleep time habits, have a little chat with your son earlier that day. Tell him that tonight's going to be different by saying something like, “After your bath tonight, I’m going to read you a story, help you into your crib, give you a kiss and go in the living room (or whatever room is nearby). I'll come check on you after you're asleep." Talking like this will not only let your son know that tonight will be different but will reinforce the plan for you and help to release any tension you may be feeling around changing this habit.  When a parent demonstrates confidence in a plan, that confidence sends an important “You can do this/It's going to be alright” message to the child.  That night, after you’ve finished the pre-bedtime routine, follow through with your plan: “You look sleepy. It's time to get in your crib so you can have a lovely rest. I’ll come check on [...]

2020-11-12T17:35:16-08:00By |
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